-sigh-

I'm finally getting off my meds. And know what?
I think I feel okay.

But I'm still having issues. I want to drop out of school, but... at the same time, I really want to stay in school. I'm the last kid in my family and I want to get a real High School Diploma instead of a GED like two of my four older siblings. But I'm so tired of it all.

I'll never have another boyfriend if I don't go to school. I'll be alone. I think I might break up with my boyfriend now just because I feel it's not working out. I mean, we need to have more in common. I feel like we're drifting apart and we have nothing in common besides a sex drive. I mean... I feel like we're not good together as friends. I believe that your significant other should also be your best friend. So... I don't know, but I have to make this relationship work out because I care a lot about Ben, and as long as he loves me, I am going to stay with him. This is for his sake. I'd be lonely without him, but whatever.

I wish I could cut myself, but I can't. I just can't. I almost physically can't...

In other news, lately I've decided that I have some definite whore-like tendencies. My counselor said it was because I am still an adolescent, but these urges are hard to keep under wraps. I want to have an affair, to my complete horror. I don't want to have an affair. I think I just want to have sex and that's that, but I feel that Ben is not as accessible as others are, which isn't true. Just isn't true. Ben is who I'm probably going to lose my virginity to. He's the one I want to lose it to. He's sweet and nice and will make a wonderful husband and father someday. I just don't know if I can be his wife. I used to think I would like to marry him, but lately... I don't think we are good friends. We're linked sexually, but not much in other ways. I'm just so uncertain about this. We HAVE to find a solution to this or I'm going to have to leave someone I really care about.

Sorry

Sorry I haven't been posting. Not much of a story, eh? Well, I'm drinking some hot apple cider and let me tell you this much:
Hot apple cider is one of the few highlights of my day these days. Not much else is going well for me. My meds don't seem to be working, I wish so badly I was cutting again but I know I can't and I'm getting sexually frustrated because my boyfriend and I feel ready but we want until it's legal. That's over a year from now.

I'll talk more later when I'm not completely... dead-feeling.

I wish

that the goblins WOULD take you away. Right Now.

Not really.

I'm just so fucking depressed that I wish I was dead except I'm too depressed and not caring to do anything. I want to curl up into the fetal position and do nothing. I feel emotionally numb. If the people I loved were torn away from me, I feel like I wouldn't mind. I'm just completely apathetic right now.

Well, there's a tiny bit of caring. The desire to not be so apathetic but at the same time, who cares? I care so little it's hardly worth mentioning.

I'm depressed and I've even been taking my meds. This isn't supposed to happen.

Why the hell am I taking my meds as usual yet I'm getting MORE depressed?
I mean, life has been going great. I love my boyfriend and my best friend is safe.
Yet things just aren't... I have no idea.

I had gotten used to life being "nearly perfect" and now... I dunno, I'm not not as happy now.

Maybe this is related to the fact that I've been with my boyfriend long enough for the novelty to wear off. The sustained happiness has worn off and now I am returning to normal levels of happiness.

But this isn't happy, dammit. This is fucked up.

My brain must be having a serious chemical imbalance.

Time for more drugs?

I want to get the drugs out of my damn system. How about one month without drugs??

Oh whatever.

Never mind. I don't care.

:(

Not News to Me

We have at least one sexist teacher at my school.

Ooh, I bet I can bring up a sexism thing.

But I'm uncertain about it. I shouldn't keep quiet just because I don't want to get in trouble, but... who knows?

I was spooning with my boyfriend in the library (sitting between his legs on the floor) and we got caught by some dude that had to tell the librarian's assistant, whose name is Ms. Bess.
I was embarrassed and went over to a different bookshelf and picked out The Andromeda Strain (I read, like, the first chapter and it was fantastic. Should have checked it out.) and Ben rather stupidly followed me. I admire his bravery but it was a stupid thing to do.
Ms. Bess went over to us, dragged Ben away from me and she asked ME if I was alright.
Way to assume, lady.

I mean, obviously my face is so red because he forced me to and I'm a victim here. OBVIOUSLY.
I mean, OF COURSE it's not because I'm embarrassed because I feel at fault for suggesting spooning. Ben started cuddling on the floor, but I'm the one who suggested spooning.

Well, all I got was a red (probably purple by the time I realized how irritated I was at that bitch) face and a sympathetic sort of smile from a girl I didn't know after I walked away and Ben was dragged away.
He got his library priveledges taken away.

Wow.

Sexism has taken over the world. She assumed that I was a victim. She ASSUMED. Because I'm the girl.
If it had been two boys or two girls, both of them would have been punished, no question about it. But I'm the girl so I can't get punished for something my BOYFRIEND did.

Right.

I want to file a complaint or something that there has been a disparity in equal treatment of the sexes. Except if I submit it to Ms. Joseph, I'm almost certain to get in trouble and I don't know what I'll do if I get an OD. I might cry or something. o_O

This is actually, I believe, the worst case of sexism I've ever been involved with outside my home. I mean, wow!

Maybe I should start writing a letter. I'll have to start out with a confession of my crimes and I have to cry pardon for it. My boyfriend has already been punished for it but I wasn't and I want to say that that is unfair. The punishment has already been executed so I don't think I should be punished for this one but if I ever am caught doing something like that again, both parties must be given consequences unless there is definite proof of there being some coercion or forced romance.


And if you're going to ask, "Who spoons in a library?" you're too late. I've already had two people ask me that same question.
:)

So yes I did something stupid and inappropriate, but Ms. Bess did something inappropriate too.

Mmmhmm.

Good news:
School is great. I'm taking Algebra I Honors, Applied Keyboarding (I'm learning to play piano!! (: ) which alternates with Health (bleh), US History I Honors (boring because the teacher is boring although she's nice and has a sense of humor), and French IV. Next semester I shall take French V and then I will have reached the end of the road. You can't go any farther than that in my high school.

Woo, I'm a sophomore. It makes me feel old... -sigh-

And I freaked out because on Wednesday someone told me that the part I tried out for in a play three months ago that I thought I didn't get?

I DID.
But as it turns out it was alright so I didn't have to die or anything. I went to rehearsal yesterday, it was the first time I was supposed to be there anyways so I was alright and never missed anything. It was awesome because at the end we all sang, "If you see a guy/reach for stars in the sky" at the end even though people who sang were supposed to just speak it. It was fun. I'm only in two scenes but I don't mind listening to the play like that.
I liked that we just sat and didn't move around or do anything except for this kid Jeff who is a dick. I never call anyone that but I call that guy one because he is one. Seriously.
However, he was excellent in his character so I forgive him for being a show-off that time. Really he was quite excellent.

I got a copy of the script so it's all cool.
I can play Beethoven's Ode to Joy now. WOO!

As I Type This

I am using Windows 7 and it feels really weird. It's pretty but I like my good old XP. It's a little too... Captain Jack Sparrow. Sway-y and all like "whoa..." and stuff.

I'm tired. It's late. The hate for my brother is dying down but deep down I still resent him. I want him to move out and if he doesn't he has to reform.
In a relationship, you can't change people. You're the one that has to change. But if we look at it from my brother's point of view, that I'm the one irritated with him, he can't change me. He has to change.

That means we both have to change.

I need to... I don't know. I don't want to become less sensitive. I want to be sensitive because that's what I think makes me a good friend. Otherwise... I dun know.

I just yawned without opening my mouth and without inhaling or exhaling. Cool? Dunno. Probably not. I have the hiccups so I'm holding my breath.

I don't believe it when they say that if you force your eyes to be open while you sneeze, they can pop out of your head. Eyeballs are designed to stay in your head and sneezing, which every animal does, shouldn't dislodge them.
And if it IS true, then puny tiny flaps of skin aren't going to keep my eyeballs in my head.

That was off topic but it made me feel better.

Last time I let myself hate my brother this much, while writing on this blog, I went to my mother afterwards and confessed that I was so angry I wanted to kill myself.
I don't know if that's how I feel right now, but I do know that I hate my brother. Still. I will talk to him and be as affectionate as ever (tchya right, affectionate) but deep down I feel nothing but hatred towards the person who torments me and the others.

Oh, and guess what!

FACEBOOK IS FUCKING BLOCKED.
FUCKINGCUNTBITCHDAMNMOTHERFUCKINGRETARDEDFUCKCUNTSHIT
If my brother doesn't unblock it, he's going DOWN.

Shattttttttt

I felt like typing "Shit" as the title but I didn't feel like it.

I'm so tired.

I hate my brother.

He makes me feel like cutting myself. Just seeing him fills me with fury now. Seeing him or thinking about him or hearing his voice.
I want him to leave. I know I'm a goddamned spoiled little bitch but I'm still going to say it: If my brother is making me more depressed, while doing things that irritate the rest of the family, I think I should be able to request that my mother kick him out. I want him out of here because he's a jerk, he calls ME a jerk and a brat, and maybe I am, but he refuses to accept that he's a bigger jerk. He thinks he's lord of the house because he's the only male. He has no respect for any of us.

And I complained to my mom tonight and know what she said?
She said he was being a jerk because he's a man, he's been working hard, and the weather's nasty right now, and he's hungry.
What the fuck.
She told me to cook him a meal and maybe then he'll stop being a jerk to me.

EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME.
If that even makes sense.
WHAT THE FUCK.
The solution to make my brother stop being a jerk is to COOK HIM FOOD?
Right. Cook food for the boys. Cook food for my brother and MAYBE he'll stop being a jerk. I don't think I've ever felt more like this house is sexist.
I mean, I know we aren't perfectly feminist/masculist. It would be really hard to do that.
And I accept that Jehovah's Witnesses support a kind of sexist attitude, but it's the Biblical sexism that I'm so used to I barely notice it.

But wait 'till the elders get a load of this. One of their "Christian brothers" is being a jerk and the advice I'm getting from my fifty-five year old mother is to COOK HIM A MEAL.

I can't say it enough. What the fuck.

I hate this household. I can handle a small amount of sexism, because it is part of their religion, but...
I asked my mom why SHE wasn't a jerk when she's having a lot of hard work and the weather is bad and stuff and her answer? "I'm not a man," as if I was being stupid.
No way. Just... no way. Being male gives you NO excuse to be a jerk. My mom's like, "It's not an excuse, it's a reason."
No. Being male isn't the reason he's a jerk. Being male is the reason he's the spiritual head of the house. Being male is the reason he's my brother and not my sister.
Being male isn't the reason he's a jerk. Rather, if my mother wasn't so mentally sexist, it wouldn't be the reason.
But my mother elevates her sons because they are her sons. They are to be the head of their own household, they are allowed to be jerks.
In other words, my mother will permit my brother to abuse me emotionally and verbally because he's a guy. She wouldn't let my sisters do that. Or maybe she just raised them to not call me a brat when they aren't happy with me. They can think that I'm a brat because I am sometimes a spoiled brat but they can keep their mouths shut unlike my brother.

I hate this family.
I kind of want to write a letter to my brother, but I'm so sure it won't change anything I don't want to.
However, I don't want anyone to say I didn't try it, so I have to write the letter sometime. Still. My brother needs to get out of this household right now. He needs to get the fuck out of here before I explode.
I said earlier that I am filled with fury when I think about him now. I have gotten angry at him before, but I have never been so angry like this. I FEEL like I want to kill him, but that's not true, unlike a month or so ago when I actually, really wanted to kill my sister. I didn't. I don't really want my brother to die but I can't stand living in this house any longer with him.

I hate it so much I'm about to cry. I want to run away and stay away until he goes away or reforms.
I went so far as to begin writing a "Declaration of Independence" sort of thing, modeled after the real thing, but this is too much. My brother is an irresponsible, immature jerk who is not deserving in the least of the status he has usurped/"achieved."

I want to die, that's how much I hate him. I want to go back to school, I want to see all of my friends again, I want to see them so much, especially Ben. He might have been my boyfriend. But I hate my brother so much, I want to die so he can understand how deeply he bothers me.
Except it won't fucking matter because I'll be dead.
And I'm not interested in a suicide attempt because, likely as not, he'll discount it and continue to be a jerk.

I want to die. I'm in the kitchen/family room. The knife block is accessible. I want to die and I hate my brother.
I hate my brother and I want to die.
I hate my brother so much I want to die.
I want to die because I hate my brother.

FUCK HIM.

Hoo Boy

It's been FOREVER since I last posted.

It's because of my laptop battery. It broke and then I replaced it and that one failled and then we took forever to return it through the mail and then today we got the new one.
WOO.

And I haven't really wanted to go to a website that says FUCK GOD, censored or no, in big letters across the top. It's a family computer and my mom wouldn't approve of me looking at it. Not sure what she'd do if she knew it was mine.

I still want Katrina's baby to be a Ra'zac baby.

Reflecting on it, it doesn't make sense that she should be so afraid and shuddery about her imprisonment for any reason other than rape. You see, the Ra'zac cannot use magic, therefore it is unlikely that they physically did anything to her such as used Seithr oil or anything that could get infected and fester and kill her. Therefore, all they could have done is EMOTIONALLY or mentally torture her. But how does that work? Physical torture is the best and I think it would make sense that they raped her.
I admit that maybe she's all scared/nervous when she thinks about it because she never saw anyone or anything or contacted anyone or anything besides the Ra'zac for a few months.
Four months, as a matter of fact. Elain is five months pregnant when Katrina is taken away. When Katrina gets back, Elain's baby is overdue. So Katrina and Roran had sex at least four months ago and Katrina got pregnant.
Therefore, no matter how thin she is she should have a bit of a bump. She's in the second trimester. My science teacher was pregnant when I had her. She was due around June or July, therefore when I first met her in January for second semester, she was two or three months pregnant. Within a few weeks I realized that she was expecting. February, there was no doubt. SOOOOO.
Katrina should either be so underfed she loses the baby or dies from her body trying to take care of it, or it should be quite clear that she's pregnant as soon as Roran sees her when he and Eragon rescue her.

And there is no way that she got pregnant with Roran's baby on the way from Helgrind to the Varden (because that would just be messed up) and found out about it by the time Eragon got back.
So Katrina cannot be pregnant or Christopher Paolini isn't being realistic about pregnancy or, what I hope for very much: she's having a magical pregnancy and she's going to have a Ra'zac baby.

RA'ZAC BABY FTGDMFW!

And that's that.
School is starting on September first and I need to go school shopping. Clothes and school supplies.
And I haven't cleaned out my backpack from last year so I have to do that.

Eragon, Eldest, and Brisingr

1. I just tested Eragon with the Universal Mary-Sue Litmus Test and he got a 74. Guess what. THAT'S A FUCKING HORRIBLE SCORE.

2. I was reading some stuff about Brisingr and Book 4 and I had this awesome theory/wish.

I really hope that Katrina's baby isn't really Roran's. I'm really hoping that she shudders and stuff when she talks about being imprisoned by the Ra'zac is because they raped her AND SHE'S PREGNANT WITH A RA'ZAC BABY.

I doubt that CP would do something THAT cool. If I could... man, I'd give big money to see that happen. It would be awesome if that happened. She'll have her baby and then Roran will be like WTF THAT'S NOT MY BABY.

I'm rather surprised that Roran and Katrina were uncertain about getting engaged without permission from Sloan and then all of a sudden, they're sleeping together. I am shocked at Roran and Katrina. Completely and utterly shocked and disappointed in them.

I think Christopher Paolini decided that Roran and Katrina had pre-marital sex so that he could write about sex or make allusions in it so that he wouldn't sound gay. He made the worst error in the whole universe, in my opinion, by stating, "Eragon wondered what the elf looked like without his clothes on," or something to that effect. Nooo... you poor, homeschooled young man. I've been homeschooled AND gone to high school, Christopher. I know what you can and can't put in books for teens, tweens, and pre-teens, and let me tell you: that's not one of those things."

But I guess most people overlooked that, so you're lucky, man.

3. I got really annoyed with the book when I took a step back and realized that, most of the characters with real power (emotional power, not necessarily political) in the book aren't even freaking twenty.

Roran is 18, 19... Katrina is the same age about, Eragon is sixteen and a half, I believe, (by the end of Brisingr), Nasuada was described as being about Murtagh's age, so they are both about 19 (three years older than Eragon), and Orik was described as being a "young boy" in comparison to other dwarves. King Orrin is in his early twenties or something, right? Seriously, what's with all of the young people? The book starts when Eragon is fifteen, nearing sixteen. I'm fifteen and four months (and two days!), which puts me anywhere from exactly Eragon's age to six or seven months younger.
My sister is three years older, so she's Murtagh...

Basically, the two newest Riders in Alagaesia are the same age as me and my sister. The ruler of the Varden, I'm sure, isn't even 21 if she's even reached the big two-oh yet. That's even less than my OTHER sister. Who knows Orik's age, which I know is not comparable to a human's age? Probably he's like my eldest brother, at least in terms of what people consider chronological maturity. What's with the young people taking over the world?
Do people understand that Eragon is just an angsty teenager? He is SIXTEEN and he DOES have a crush on an elf (I actually kind of support them getting together, but I don't support them staying together--I want CP to write a beautiful love/sex scene between them and then they break up by the end of the Cycle) as one might expect, but he shows some maturity and has some ethics and understands about keeping one's heart safe in a way that I shouldn't, or maybe don't, know about yet.

Truth is, as a fifteen year old, I don't think I'm supposed to know about keeping my heart safe with people yet. I'm not supposed to know that I have to fall in love with someone who's always ostensibly in reach yet never really attainable so I can be in denial. I never have to get my heart really broken because it's always safe with someone who can't break it because I'm not giving it to them, really.

Hard to explain, but the point is that I oughtn't understand about heartbreak and keeping one's heart safe yet. I should still be happy, carefree, and be flirty and happy.
And Eragon shows some standpoints on ethics that I find rather interesting. When he decided that he can't actually kill Sloan even though no one would have had a problem with it. And Nasuda and Orrin, despite their respectively tender ages, are glad that Eragon did not decide to make himself judge, jury, and executioner, because it undermined their authority.

People my age shouldn't understand the undermining of authority thing yet, either. We should be enjoying life and forgetting about these weighty matters, but no... I understand things like that all too well, because my mother undermines her own authority and that's why she's a failure at parenting right now.

I do have the... well, I don't know what to call it. If I was a guy I'd say "the balls" but since I'm not... well, I'll just say, I have the testosterone and androgen in me enough to say that my mom is a failure at parenting right now.

She wasn't always a failure, mind you, but I'm sick of coddling her and telling her, "Oh Mom, you're not a failure, you did fine!" because all I have to say is that my mom is being a kind of awful parent right now. I don't have a curfew because I don't go out. I don't have any responsibilities or chores because I was never taught to do stuff, and I have never received the proper push to do the simple chores I CAN and WOULD do.

If my mom wants me to listen to her orders, well then, she'd better start giving orders instead of being all, "Oh, do you think you could do this?"

I'll give some examples.
What my mom says that doesn't work:
"Could you possibly empty the dishrack, please?"
What will motivate me:
"Please empty the dishrack right now."
What my mom says that doesn't work:
"There are some clothes of yours on the drying rack. Do you want to get them?"
What will motivate me:
"Get your clothes off the drying rack, please."

If my mom wants me to take orders, she needs to stop being a weak-minded ninny and fool and being all emotional and ASKING and pleading, but take the emotion out of her voice and out of her face for ten seconds to give an order, that is, stand straight and tall, glare at me, and look mean and stern. And speak, not shout, not whisper, not scream or sing or cry, but SPEAK: "Go empty the dishwasher."

I sometimes hate my mother, but that's not the truth. I just hate her problems that make it impossible for me to treat her and respect her as a child should respect their mother. I want to be able to say that I love my mom... I want to like her enough to call her "mum" like my sister does sometimes... I want to hear her give orders and FEEL LIKE CARRYING THEM OUT. That has happened before. And I can receive orders from other people, including my dad. Why can't my mom make me do things? I have the answer. But she's too mixed up to get it...

No tags right now. I'm a bit busy... being exhausted. It is almost 2:30 AM... I WAS thinking of playing The Sims 2, but I guess not. I'm goin' to bed... -sleepy-

Good night, internet and world. Keep viewing, keep reading, tell your friends about this absolutely fascinating blog you found that reviews everything from Eragon to Jehovah's Witnesses, from Cheez-it crackers to deviantART.com. ^_^

...I don't think I've ever said thank you for reading my entries.
Thank you. And I do mean it. Thanks for reading. Thanks for listening and helping me know that I'm not alone, even if I've only gotten two comments in all of the months of existing and neither of which were terribly agreeable.

Time Ticks By

I haven't been posting as much.

It's because of my damned laptop battery... Got a new one, worked PERFECTLY for two hours, much better than the old one... and then died... And I know that it was the battery, not the laptop.

In other news, I've been enjoying time playing The Sims 2. I went to Strangetown and kidnapped the Curious Brothers... and even better, I got Vidcund and Lazlo pregnant, too! And I got Nervous Subject to move in, too. Unfortunately... due to the games merging and such, although there IS an Olive Specter still around, Nervous isn't "related" to her, and I don't think that she's related to him. He could probably go f**k his mother if I wanted to be a creep like that.

I can't play with Olive, like, at all unless I get her to move in with someone who has the Elixir of Life. No matter what, if I play with her, she dies within, like, two minutes real time.

Know what's better? I had moved a DIFFERENT Olive Specter and Ophelia into my neighborhood, but when the neighborhood was moved to a different computer, Strangetown stayed the way it was, and I moved the second set of Specter/Nigmos into my neighborhood before I remembered...
And what's better is that AFTER that, my brother merged the games (there are two different "computers" in this machine--his and the family's) so that no matter which account you're on, you can play and it will be right.
So now, I think that, although Olive's lot isn't in Strangetown, I am beginning to fear that Nervous Subject's mother is gone.

I'm hoping that the lack of the little cyan icon in the corner of her thumbnail is because Nervous was adopted... I would like Nervous to live with his mother eventually.

I killed Circe and her husband in fires (Circe would just NOT catch on fire... I bought, like, three of those giant grills) so that Nervous would take all of the money with him when he moved in with the Curious brothers. :)

Now it's the three brothers, Nervous, and three alien children; Camazotz, Ixthyl, and Terra. ^_^

In other news, I'd like to have The Sims 3... But I probably won't for a few years, possibly ten or so... By which point, they'll have The Sims 5, I bet. :)

I think it's odd...

that people actually consider our president to be sexy.

I mean, I'm not saying he's not attractive (because he is physically attractive... the shirtless pictures prove it), but it feels weird to say that our President is sexy. He's like, approaching fifty and he's married with kids and I feel like it's impolite to find a married man attractive because then there's always the urge to say "I would tap that" for shock value except you kind of mean it because you WOULD tap that.

Obama is so cool that his infidelity would break my heart not to mention Michelle's, Malia's, Sasha's, and so many others. I don't want to see Malia and Sasha in the same position I was in three years ago. It's heart-wrenching because you love your dad, but you feel like you ought to hate him.

I think about this and talk about it because my social studies teacher said that every single president pretty much has cheated on their wife (well, I imagine except for the president that wasn't married... Zachary Taylor???) and so did Psychology Today a few years ago.

That's a reason I wanted Hillary to win. I felt that she, having already suffered from an infidel spouse, would be more sensitive and as I believe women are less likely to cheat, would have been faithful throughout her tenure.

Movies

I saw this movie for the first time somewhat recently...

Oh, now I remember!

I HEARD The Island the other day while playing The Sims 2, and although I didn't see any of it, I heard 97% so I know what it's about.
It's a cross between 1984 and a book called called The House of the Scorpion by Nancy Farmer.
And the whole general "omg the future is evil" stereotype.

I like how there are two outcomes for the future: Happy Outcome (Star Trek) and Scary Outcome (everything else). :)

My laptop battery died which is why I haven't posted in a while, although I haven't had much happen anyways.

I brought Rocco the baby chicken to my counseling appointment today to meet the person he's named after. :) My counselor was happy to meet the little guy and Rocco the chicken was okay for most of it, although the car ride home was louder than I would have preferred. Not intolerable, just... louder than I would have preferred.
It was worth it, definitely.

And that's the beginning of me having a chicken that goes out on the town.

Oh, in other news, I wanted to physically murder my sister the other night. I almost called 911 on myself because I wanted to go to a mental hospital or something, but I calmed down and I am not planning on killing her although it made me nervous. I have anger issues. Really really really bad anger issues.

That's Interesting.

Oddly enough, I did not post about getting my chicks! Crazy!

I got 27, actually. :)

But I have 26 living ones now... We lost one last night.

There was crazy driving around to post offices on Sunday. Finally we cornered the chicks in a major post office warehouse and got them. Every single one was alive. :)

We brought them home and they're all pretty good right now, except for the sweet little Black-Tailed Buff Japanese we lost last night...
But 1 out of 27 isn't too bad.

We got, in addition to our Free Rare Chick, a free Silver Penciled Rock chick. Said so on the receipt. Receipt. That word kills me. Where the hell did that p come from?
Oh well. Keep that damned p because people have GOT to keep English alive.

My baby chicks are adorable, and our older pullets are starting to lay little eggs now. :) It's awesome.

Life couldn't get much better besides that chick still being alive.

What the F---?

Statements about Jehovah's Witnesses that are that completely and utterly either WRONG, MISINTERPRETED, WEIRD, or in some other way made me think, WHAT THE FUCK?:

Since Jehovah's Witnesses believe that the Governing Body in Brooklyn has a direct hotline to GOD, such "major changes" in decades-old routines will be interpreted by members as "signs" that the end is near, while those unfamiliar with the beliefs and culture of the Jehovah's Witnesses will interpret such as "insignificant".

Because we think that anyone or any place on Earth right now is closer to Jehovah God than someone or someplace else.

Undoubtedly, there was either a spoken or unspoken agreement that "Linda" would never speak publicly about this again, if she knew what was good for her.

Of course we threaten our people!
Yes, we blackmail and we threaten. Of course.
Maybe SHE is the one who decided not to talk about it.

Secrets of Pedophilia in an American Religion - Jehovah's Witnesses in Crisis is a $29.95 CD-ROM containing 5000 pages of court documents from 12 lawsuits filed by molestation victims against the WatchTower Society, congregations of Jehovah's Witnesses, and individual Jehovah's Witnesses. Included are 9 lawsuits secretly "settled" in 2007, and two lawsuits "settled" in 2006 and 2000 -- all for undisclosed amounts paid to victims who were required to keep the details "confidential" in exchange for the settlement payment.

12 Lawsuits.
Because no other religions have as many molesters.
Seriously, 12?
That's 12 people, I'm pretty sure.
So we're freaked out about 12 people who were molested by Jehovah's Witnesses?
Yeah, let's be scared about that.
HAVE YOU HEARD OF GARY RIDGEWAY?
That's one person. One person who killed a lot of people. And because 12 children spoke out about their problems, you will condemn the whole religion?
And excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me if that's not what you mean. 'Cause, I hear all about Catholic clergy being child molesters, yet I don't see people condemning the whole religion.

MASSACHUSETTS v. STOCKHAM was a 2004 Massachusetts criminal court decision. In August 2004, "a" Howard Stockham, 64, of 52 Ledgecrest Drive, Worcester, Massachusetts, was charged with "assault and battery on a child causing injury", and was placed on probation for one year.

A Google search on "Howard Stockham" plus "Worchester" yields two separate newspaper articles published in October 1998 and November 1998, in which "a" "Howard Stockham" acted as "Congregation Spokesman" and "Media Spokesman" regarding the construction of a new Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses in Worchester, Massachusetts, for the Worchester Central Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses.

This same "Howard Stockham", who is a Jehovah's Witness, has also worked in years past as a "District Sales Manager" (a/k/a "Circuit Overseer") for the WatchTower Bible and Tract Society.

First of all, "Worchester," if it is a town or city in Massachusetts, is not the same thing as Worcester.
If you think it's the same thing, you have to learn something about it. Either Worchester is a separate town from Worcester, or you're mispronouncing AND mispelling it.
"Worcester" is pronounced "wuss-ter" or "wuss-tuh" if you are from Worcester itself.
If you live in the Worcester is the U.K., THAT is Worchester. But Worcester is "woos-ter".
These three paragraphs are only INFERRING that a Brother Howard Stockham is the same man as a Howard Stockham who was charged with assault and battery of a child.
I have to point out that it is completely possible for there to be two different Mr. Howard Stockhams in Worcester, Mass. Worcester isn't a tiny town like my town. It's a freaking city.

Sometime in the 1990s, a Minnesota Jehovah's Witness couple, named Jack W. Smith and Pamela Smith, went through a "very bitter" divorce. During that proceeding, and about one year after the couple at separated, one of the couple's teenaged daughters reported to authorities that her father had molested her from the age of 5 until her father separated from her mother. She also accused Jack Smith of thereafter stalking her at the local Kingdom Hall, which the various family members apparently continued to attend.

Once again, because one man was a creep, you condemn the whole religion?
Jehovah's Witnesses are only allowed to divorce on the grounds of adultery. Therefore, Jack Smith had already been committing adultery of some sort. He was already going against the teachings of the Bible.

None of these cases say whether or not the Witnesses that were accused of these things were disfellowshipped or not. If all of these accusations were true, then they ought to have been disfellowshipped, because those things are against the Bible.

Truth is, everyone makes mistakes. This is true of Jehovah's Witnesses, of Catholics, of Protestants, of Quakers, of Buddhists, of Hindus, of Jews, of Wiccans, of Muslims, and of atheists.
There have been people of all of those denominations who have raped, murdered, stolen, fornicated, committed adultery, and other things just as bad.

If you by this doctrine, that Jehovah's Witnesses are bad because of this, then I have this to say:
What about all of the other people out there who do that?
There are other people out there in other religions and denominations that molest children, and I don't see you having problems with them. The way I see it, you should either be distrusting everyone, or leaving JWs alone.

That's all I have to say for now.

Insert Surprised Statement Here

I find it interesting that 99.9% of reporters and commentators state or imply that Michael Jackson's connection with the WatchTower Cult ended when he was disfellowshipped in the 1980s.

Katherine and Rebbie's family are all active JWs. Anyone who knows anything about JWs knows how this would play on MJ, who was at onetime an extremely devout JW.

In fact, circa 2004-5, a southern California newspaper published photos and an article showing MJ and his children attending their local Kingdom Hall. Does anyone really believe that someone with MJ's ego would not only attend a "meetings" at his Kingdom Hall, but also take his children with him, if he were being shunned as disfellowshipped persons are at a JW Kingdom Hall. I suspect that MJ had been "reinstated" as an active JW sometime prior to 2004. Let's see some reporter dig into that one. Don't expect the WatchTower Society or local JWs admit such without presentation of overwhelming evidence given present citcumstances.

The negative influence of the teachings of the Jehovah's Witnesses on Michael and his family have been either downplayed or totally ignored for as long as the Jackson Family has received public attention. For those readers who really want to know what life is like to be reared in the WatchTower Cult, nothing beats real world scenarios, and of real world scenarios, nothing beats actual civil and criminal court cases.

The following website summarizes 900 court cases and lawsuits involving children of Jehovah's Witness Parents. The summaries demonstrate how JW Families rear their children and live life day-to-day. Also included are nearly 400 CRIMINAL cases -- most involving MURDERS:

DIVORCE, BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS, AND OTHER LEGAL ISSUES AFFECTING CHILDREN OF JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES

http://jwdivorces.bravehost.com

Wow.

Someone just left a comment on a blog of someone who used to identify as one of Jehovah's Witnesses without doing their homework.

I just read the whole homepage of the website provided, and all I have to say is that THIS statement kills me:

Since the WatchTower Society first stopped Jehovah's Witnesses from accepting blood transfusions in 1945, there has been a stream of state and federal court cases which have slowly but surely chipped away at the moral concept that to allow an adult or child to needlessly die inside a hospital setting is something unconscionable to our modern society.

Needlessly.
Needlessly?
NEEDLESSLY DYING?

They are dying for their belief, if they are even dying. There are plenty of people who doctors tell are going to die without blood and voila, they aren't dead six months later.
You think belief is needless?
Jehovah's Witnesses are following the Bible. Whether they follow all of it is up to you to think, but they do follow a part that says that man must not partake of blood. It's sacred. It's holy. You may not consume it.
So some kid's parents have chosen a way to interpret the Bible, which millions, I want to daresay maybe even billions of people claim to follow, and if their kids die because of it, you call that unnecessary?
Yes, death sucks. If you read Genesis you'll see that all death is unnecessary.
But that makes the death of everyone who was ever killed for being a Christian a needless death. Because if their children are dying, it's because they are doing what they think is right. If it was them in that bed, they'd be refusing it too.
This website, in my eyes, is condemning those who do what they think is right, and of those, especially the ones that are not bending like wimps.

Some people think that since the Bible says DRINKING or EATING blood is bad, then having it put into you in any way, shape, or form is bad.

Chew on that, please.

And I won't go into divorce or abortion or their stance on gay marriage. I don't need to.

If Michael Jackson was taking his kids to Kingdom Halls, I applaud his damned creepy dead self.
Sometimes I hate Jehovah's Witnesses, but you know what, when I have kids, I'm going to take them to Kingdom Halls too. Maybe Michael Jackson was like me and thought that being a JW wasn't for him, but maybe it was for others, such as his kids.
I know sure as hell that if the Jehovah's Witnesses are right, then I want my kids to have a chance to agree with them and go to meetings. I condemn no one who is a Jehovah's Witness. I disagree with them and quite honestly think they are ridiculous sometimes, but I will never condemn them.

Yes, belief in the Bible killed first- and second-century Christians. They had to fight lions or gladiators in the Colosseum or whatever. But the Spanish Inquisition killed Jews and many people who were NOT Christians. Not to mention that Spanish/Portuguese missionaries burnt up extremely valuable pieces of Aztec/Mayan/whathaveyou text and stuff.
So being Christian has killed people, but so has NOT being Christian. Everything has killed people. Being black, being red, being yellow, being white, being rainbow, being nice, being mean.
And blood transfusions haven't ALWAYS helped. A friend of the family on my father's side once had a little girl, before 1945, who fell down the stairs in an awful accident. She got a blood transfusion, but she still died.
People don't always NEED blood, and I don't get the problem with people who reject treatment because of their beliefs.
Yes, children may die. Adults may die.
But I already said that lots of things kill people and maintaining your belief is one of the most admirable way to die if you ask me.

Michael Jackson probably wasn't reinstated as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. But, I don't know, maybe he was. The only people who would know the truth are the people at his Kingdom Hall, especially the elders there and his mother. Jehovah's Witnesses don't spread it all around that when their people get reinstated. They make an announcement when they have been reinstated and that's that. People don't clap or cheer or anything, it's just a quiet fact, and it's nice because then you can be talked to, although there is absolutely no reason why his children couldn't have been talked to. They were never Witnesses to begin with nor were they people who attended meetings and then stopped. They are perfectly free to come and go and talk to whoever. Jackson is the only person they would have shunned.
And as far as I knew, he Disassociated himself, which is different from being disfellowshipped. Disassociation is when someone chooses to no longer be a Jehovah's Witness. Disfellowshipment is when the elders talk and tell you that you are out unless you can clean up your act.

And for those readers who want to know what life "inside the WatchTower Cult" is really like (whoever thought up that name: it's cute, but inaccurate. They are not a cult. They are as serious about religion as LDS), they should look to real people who grew up in it.
Ask away, people. I will answer every single question you have about growing up as one of Jehovah's Witnesses and I will answer every single question you have about their beliefs if I know the answer.

I'm going to go read more about Jehovah's Witnesses on jwdivorces.bravehost.com and will probably post more reaction to it then.

Wow

I just wanted to call attention to this, which I found on Wikipedia, on the page
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unusual_deaths

1930: William Kogut, an inmate on death row at San Quentin, decided to commit suicide using only the rudimentary tools available to him in his prison cell. He began by tearing up several packs of playing cards, giving particular focus to obtaining pieces with red ink, (at the time, the ink in red playing cards contained nitrocellulose, which is flammable and when wet can create an explosive mixture) and stuffed them into a pipe. He then plugged one end of the pipe firmly with a broom handle and poured water into the other end to soak the card pieces. He then placed the pipe on a kerosene heater next to his bed and placed the open end firmly against his head. The heater turned the water into steam and eventually enough pressure built up inside the pipe so that when it burst, the explosion shot out bits of playing cards with enough force to penetrate Kogut's skull, killing him. In a suicide note, Kogut stated that he and he alone should punish himself for his crimes.

That is one brilliant man. As good as MacGyver. I want to say Better, but that would be blasphemy. =0
And yes, I condone suicide by those who are on Death Row.